Sanity, Is That You?

As most of you know — from either reading my blog posts or being around me — I have been über stressed about university and the countdown to getting my results.

After having to wait almost a week after everybody else had received their results, I finally got mine.

I actually found out that I had a place at my desired university (De Montfort) before I’d even received my results, which led me to believe that I had done well, which was confirmed two days later.

It felt like so much stress had disappeared at that moment, a weight lifted off of my shoulders and it felt as if I were walking on air.

I am in an extremely rare moment right now where I actually have nothing to worry about. My personal life isn’t great, but it’s not bad, it just has no significance.

This summer has been the marking of many changes, all of the negatives have been in my personal life, but I didn’t get upset about them like I should have because somewhere deep down inside my intuition told me that this was all happening for a reason. I knew that this was all happening to prepare for bigger, better things and as the weeks passed it became clear that those better things were coming to me in the form of educational success.

Right now I am going to enjoy the time that I have left, which is roughly a month. That’s one whole month sans responsibility, aside from the first instalment of rent and any other money related set backs, this is going to be a fairly relaxed month.

It is a shame about my personal life taking so many hits this summer, I feel like everything that meant something to me has just disappeared and it has left me feeling rather empty at times, but life is all about balance and after my educational track record, it’s about time things went right in that department.

I’m not going to dwell on the bad stuff right now, I need to look at everything as a clean slate and focus on the excitement of starting over.

I’m rather sick of feeling negative, so hopefully my personal life picks up a little, but I’m sure everything will work out for the best as long as I keep a positive attitude about everything.

Here’s to starting over,

XOXO

Hannah.

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Pack Up Your Troubles

My idea of packing is procrastinating by becoming re-acquainted with all of the belongings that had slowly lost their use, but still meant enough to me to hoard over the years until now.

I am a naturally reflective person anyway, but when it comes to digging up everything in the room that I have grown up in it also makes me rather sad also. I feel like this is the end of an era, I am letting go of the past, but keeping my memories. This is not only a time to de-clutter and minimise the amount of belongings I have, it is also a time to tidy up my emotions; As I let go of things that I have held onto for many years for the wrong reasons, I am also letting go of those memories attached.

Obviously I will keep many things with high sentimental value, but I must also remember that the memories don’t necessarily live within those objects unless I let them, they live in my mind. It’s time to let go of anything that I am holding onto because I think it is a memory and realise that it truly is just an object.

My packing strategy is simple; I am keeping the things of high importance, luckily many things that hold sentimental value to me are conveniently the right size to fit in my diary — which has expanded in size profusely!

I try on all of my clothes and if in that moment I don’t feel comfortable in it, I know it isn’t something I will wear in the future and for that reason it goes straight in the boot sale pile.

As for books, I am not getting rid of any, I have sorted what is going to uni and what isn’t by matching the books to the moods I may feel while I am away or if the book would possibly be educational to me during my course.

I haven’t actually gotten much packing done due to the fact that anything else seems more interesting to me when I have something that needs to be done.

Part of my procrastination may be due to hunger or boredom, but a bigger part of me is doing this because I am saying goodbye to the house I grew up in and I am doing this slowly.

It feels like everything is changing all at once and I’m not quite sure what to focus on precisely. Both parents are moving/have moved, I’m not in the best place socially right now and I’m about to head to uni (which is a whole lot harder when you still don’t know exactly where you are going).

I cannot quite pinpoint exactly what is stressing me out the most, but I know that soon enough everything will be happening all at once and there will be no time to focus on one single thing.

It feels like I’m in some kind of weird limbo where part of me is waiting for things to happen and the other part of me is afraid of everything that’s right around the corner. I don’t know which way is up and that’s why I’m choosing a Netflix coma over any sort of reality — until my own reality hits me in about a month’s time.

This post is probably rather vague and I hope you’re all just as confused as my emotions are right now.

Until next time (hopefully sooner than later),

XOXO

Han.