January Hmmmm.

It’s January 10th. I’m sat on the train and on my way back to Leicester. I’ve had a nice Christmas and don’t really want to leave – not the place, just the people.

Anyway, my point is that it’s January 10th. January the 10th and I’m only just deciding my New Years resolutions right here, right now on the train. Oops.

I don’t usually make concrete resolutions, I’m pretty easy on myself, but I’ve got to make them and stick to them this year!

Begin, shall I?

Climb girl, climb.

On my return to uni, I am purchasing my insurance card which allows me to join the climbing club, then I can climb regularly and hopefully gain more confidence, strength and technique. I’m afraid of falling, but the more confidence I get on the wall, the less I fear the height and the falling part becomes less likely to happen.

#HealthyGoals

This resolution just involves sticking to my healthy eating habits no matter where I am – maybe it will help others around me eat a little better too?

Less sugary temptations, more fruits and nuts!

Balancing the pounds

The pounds I refer to here are of the financial kind. I need to try my best to only buy necessities and just treat myself once in a while.

Easier said than done, but one of those money box challenges may help me save.

ZzzzzZzzzzzZzz

I must go to bed earlier, Netflix less and avoid napping during the day. Or just go to bed earlier.

Stress less

About everything. Maybe organising myself as much as possible will help, the more sleep certainly will too.

I shall focus on less things at once, tackling things one at a time, whatever they are, will certainly make life easier. It may also help me focus more.

That’s all of my New Years resolutions, or at least what I can think of right now!

I’m looking forward to climbing more and becoming stronger because of it.

I look forward to seeing the ones I love again soon, sucks being away from your favourite people.

Until next time,

XOXO

Hannah.

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#TheStruggleIsReal: Winter Skin

Aloha! It’s been a while and as most of you know, I have moved to university. This experience has been time-consuming, stressful and mentally draining – it is the sole reason for my lack of posts.

Since moving here everything has been about reading and essays, meaning that I haven’t had as much time to myself as I would like (apart from the time that I visited home for the weekend and it was lovely) and all this moving around (plus cold weather, plus general stress) has caused my skin to self-destruct – and I mean worse than usual.

This could have been down to moving and hormones, but the weather certainly didn’t help, it caused my skin to get very pimply and dry. I couldn’t let it stay like this as it was really starting to put me down and I had to wear make-up to cover it – something I hate doing.

With this in mind, I started getting testers of various skin products to find the root of my problem. I went to Origins because I am a regular user of the “Checks and Balances Frothy Face Wash”, where I picked up testers for the “Zero Oil Cleanser” and “Zero Oil Lotion”.

These products started off by clearing up my spots and after a week the effects had reversed, leaving my skin worse than it was before! The cleanser didn’t feel like it was cleaning my skin enough, but the moisturiser was good – it really was “Zero Oil” and kept my skin matte for most of the day, but in the end it just made my skin really dry.

After these products quite literally blew up in my face, I opted for something familiar and headed to BareMinerals where I decided to retry  the “Purely Nourishing Moisturiser for Combination Skin”. I used this for around 2 weeks, my skin didn’t react to it at all, but I came to the conclusion that this is a summer skincare only option for my skin type. I had already purchased it because it really is a dependable moisturiser, just not for me in the winter.

Once again, I was back to square one and decided to use something I already had for the time being and also start using night cream again. I had some of my trusty Nivea “Night Regenerating Cream” left, so I used that along with The Body Shop “Vitamin E Aqua Boost Sorbet”.

I remembered how much I loved the smell of the Vitamin E products, which led me to browse the entire Vitamin E line on the Body Shop website. After looking at countless reviews of various products, I decided that I wanted to try out a new night cream, seeing as night cream is something that’s usually a safe option for my troublesome skin.

I didn’t buy the products online, I kept browsing products for a week or so and went into the store to purchase. While in the store, a girl insisted that the toner would be a good addition to my purchase, along with an overnight treatment oil and I decided to try them out as I was already getting something new anyway and rarely used toners and treatments. In total, I purchased the “Vitamin E Nourishing Night Cream”, “Vitamin E Overnight Serum-In-Oil” and the “Vitamin E Hydrating Toner”.

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The difference in my skin was noticeable within a week, my skin was hydrated and my spots were reducing. I have finally discovered a skincare line that actually works with my skin, one that doesn’t make it worse and since using these products, I have gone back for more from the Vitamin E line. It turns out that the “Vitamin E Aqua Boost Sorbet” wasn’t working as well as I thought it was and it was actually too harsh on my skin, it just took products that didn’t hurt my skin to realise what was doing the damage.

I now own most of The Body Shop Vitamin E range, the “Vitamin E Moisture Cream” replaced the “Aqua Boost Sorbet”, I also got the “Vitamin E Face Mist” to see what all the fuss was about and so far I can see the appeal, it’s very refreshing.

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All-in-all, I’m loving the Vitamin E range from The Body Shop and I think it will be my staple skincare range from now on. It rescued my skin from whatever winter/stress induced hell it was in.

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I will most probably be separately reviewing these products to help others figure out which ones are best for their skin too. If anyone else suffers from sensitive skin that loves to react and break out – I seriously suggest trying out this range.

Until next time,

XOXO,

Hannah.

Here I Am

Moving to university has been a lot to take in all at once, it’s like being thrown into the deep end before you’ve learned how to swim.

I’ve let the water pull me down a little recently in the sense that I haven’t been on my blog to post anything, not been able to sleep very well and also haven’t even been catching up on my tv shows!

I’ve been solely focusing on getting into my timetable routine and understanding exactly what needs to be done for my studies, how long it will take etc. that I haven’t actually been out as much as all of the other freshers. I have been going out, just not as much as other people and I’ve decided to focus less on drinking, more on learning.

I’m having a great time here, though, going out occasionally is much better for me than going out all the time. I am figuring out the balance and realising that I’m at the age where I don’t need to go out all the time. I actually prefer socialising with my flat-mates, going to the cinema and having lunches is much nicer.

I have been so mentally drained since moving here, I’ve had lots of reading to do and it took me about a week to unpack everything! I’m here now and I should be blogging back to normal once I have all of my different modules embedded in my brain.


Living alone is weird, but good weird.

The pros include things such as;

  • Knowing exactly how much food I have left all the time.
  • Knowing when I’m actually running out of things such as shampoo and shower gel.
  • Having long showers if I want them.

The cons include;

  • A fear that if I hurt myself badly, it may go unnoticed for days.
  • Doing my own laundry – although this actually feels very independent at the same time.
  • Having to cook dinner for yourself all the time – sometimes you just want to eat and not have to cook it first.

There are many other pros and cons, but these are the main ones in my eyes.


Unpacking and setting up my bedroom/bathroom was cool, everything in my room is a reflection of myself and is organised in a way that is accessible and tidy.

My attempt at photographing my room wasn’t the best, but here are some pictures of it nonetheless;

This is my attempt at a panoramic shot - it didn't go so well...

This is my attempt at a panoramic shot – it didn’t go so well…

Books and DVDs, the essentials of course...

Books and DVDs, the essentials of course…

Little pieces of me on my notice board, it actually looks a little different to this already.

Little pieces of me on my notice board, it actually looks a little different to this already.

The hallway is out there, maybe i'll show you guys the rest of the flat in another post.

The hallway is out there, maybe I’ll show you guys the rest of the flat in another post.

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Didn't realise how vital bathroom storage was until I was on my own...

Didn’t realise how vital bathroom storage was until I was on my own…

My large collection of expensive mugs and shot glasses...

My large collection of expensive mugs and shot glasses…


Leaving my hometown has given me the chance to really think about what I want in other areas of my life. I know that I should always trust my instincts and understand that everything is happening for a reason. What is meant to be always will be and sometimes we have to experience all the bad stuff to get to the good.

I have never lost faith in the things that matter to me most and I never will.

Speak soon, stay smiling,

XOXO

Hannah.

A Little Bit Longer

In exactly two weeks I will be moving to Leicester in preparation for Fresher’s Week and studying at De Montfort University.

I’m still amazed that something actually went my way academically, after all the bad luck I’ve had in that area, part of me was expecting the worst.

Nonetheless here I am, preparing for one of the biggest changes in my life so far and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. The anxiety I feel is mainly about friendships; I’m worried about drifting apart from people while they are wrapped up I their own things, I feel I may get left behind. Like the dust left behind when a car shoots off into the distance.

I’m taking forever to pack, mainly because I am not only packing things for uni, but I’m packing my bedroom away and saying goodbye forever to the room that I grew up in.

It’s partly the disturbance of objects that have been in one place for so long that is making me sad and also my attempt at throwing things out. I find myself going through everything and reminiscing, everything I have come across so far has had memories attached, making it that little bit harder to throw said things away.

I need to get a shimmy on with all this packing now and just let go of anything holding me back, now is the time to clear out and allow myself space for new objects with new memories.

As the weeks pass, I’m becoming more and more ready to move. I’m ready for this new chapter, to start over with my personal life. Living three hours from home is a pretty good way to start over too.

I’m obviously going to come home and visit, because I’ve got to see the lovely people back home still, haven’t I?

I will miss my friends and family at home, but it will be nice to get a sense of true independence.

Time to get my pack on!

Speak soon,

XOXO

Hannah.

Sanity, Is That You?

As most of you know — from either reading my blog posts or being around me — I have been über stressed about university and the countdown to getting my results.

After having to wait almost a week after everybody else had received their results, I finally got mine.

I actually found out that I had a place at my desired university (De Montfort) before I’d even received my results, which led me to believe that I had done well, which was confirmed two days later.

It felt like so much stress had disappeared at that moment, a weight lifted off of my shoulders and it felt as if I were walking on air.

I am in an extremely rare moment right now where I actually have nothing to worry about. My personal life isn’t great, but it’s not bad, it just has no significance.

This summer has been the marking of many changes, all of the negatives have been in my personal life, but I didn’t get upset about them like I should have because somewhere deep down inside my intuition told me that this was all happening for a reason. I knew that this was all happening to prepare for bigger, better things and as the weeks passed it became clear that those better things were coming to me in the form of educational success.

Right now I am going to enjoy the time that I have left, which is roughly a month. That’s one whole month sans responsibility, aside from the first instalment of rent and any other money related set backs, this is going to be a fairly relaxed month.

It is a shame about my personal life taking so many hits this summer, I feel like everything that meant something to me has just disappeared and it has left me feeling rather empty at times, but life is all about balance and after my educational track record, it’s about time things went right in that department.

I’m not going to dwell on the bad stuff right now, I need to look at everything as a clean slate and focus on the excitement of starting over.

I’m rather sick of feeling negative, so hopefully my personal life picks up a little, but I’m sure everything will work out for the best as long as I keep a positive attitude about everything.

Here’s to starting over,

XOXO

Hannah.

Pack Up Your Troubles

My idea of packing is procrastinating by becoming re-acquainted with all of the belongings that had slowly lost their use, but still meant enough to me to hoard over the years until now.

I am a naturally reflective person anyway, but when it comes to digging up everything in the room that I have grown up in it also makes me rather sad also. I feel like this is the end of an era, I am letting go of the past, but keeping my memories. This is not only a time to de-clutter and minimise the amount of belongings I have, it is also a time to tidy up my emotions; As I let go of things that I have held onto for many years for the wrong reasons, I am also letting go of those memories attached.

Obviously I will keep many things with high sentimental value, but I must also remember that the memories don’t necessarily live within those objects unless I let them, they live in my mind. It’s time to let go of anything that I am holding onto because I think it is a memory and realise that it truly is just an object.

My packing strategy is simple; I am keeping the things of high importance, luckily many things that hold sentimental value to me are conveniently the right size to fit in my diary — which has expanded in size profusely!

I try on all of my clothes and if in that moment I don’t feel comfortable in it, I know it isn’t something I will wear in the future and for that reason it goes straight in the boot sale pile.

As for books, I am not getting rid of any, I have sorted what is going to uni and what isn’t by matching the books to the moods I may feel while I am away or if the book would possibly be educational to me during my course.

I haven’t actually gotten much packing done due to the fact that anything else seems more interesting to me when I have something that needs to be done.

Part of my procrastination may be due to hunger or boredom, but a bigger part of me is doing this because I am saying goodbye to the house I grew up in and I am doing this slowly.

It feels like everything is changing all at once and I’m not quite sure what to focus on precisely. Both parents are moving/have moved, I’m not in the best place socially right now and I’m about to head to uni (which is a whole lot harder when you still don’t know exactly where you are going).

I cannot quite pinpoint exactly what is stressing me out the most, but I know that soon enough everything will be happening all at once and there will be no time to focus on one single thing.

It feels like I’m in some kind of weird limbo where part of me is waiting for things to happen and the other part of me is afraid of everything that’s right around the corner. I don’t know which way is up and that’s why I’m choosing a Netflix coma over any sort of reality — until my own reality hits me in about a month’s time.

This post is probably rather vague and I hope you’re all just as confused as my emotions are right now.

Until next time (hopefully sooner than later),

XOXO

Han.

Paris Perfection!

Two weeks ago I went to Paris with one of my best friends and it was lovely in so many ways. I don’t know if it was the break from constant social media shenanigans, being away from multiple sources of stress or just being away from my routine but the feeling of escaping everyday surroundings was a relief.

eiffel

There’s something exhilarating about being somewhere unfamiliar, not knowing exactly where you are but still knowing that you are far from lost. This break — although it was only a few days — put a lot of my stress on hold and forced me to enjoy the moment I was in right there, right then. I was not thinking about the next day, because I didn’t want the one I was having, to end.

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Yes, we went to Disneyland and usually that involves rushing to get on every ride (plan, plan, planning), but for some reason it wasn’t rushed at all. Maybe it was because there were only two of us going around the park alone or because we were the least stressed we had been in months, but we were relaxed each and every day. We were actually late to breakfast on one of the days and didn’t make it to the park until around 10am! Yet somehow we got every ride done that we wanted to and some we even rode twice!

medialive001There was an actual purpose to this trip, which was the Media Live! Conference held in the cinema of Disney Village. I actually attended last year’s one too and they are well worth going to if you are a media student. The conference is great for any questions you have and could even bring out a little inspiration from within.

After our Disneyland days came to an end, we reached our last day and this day was spent getting the basic-tourist-Eiffel-Tower-pictures.

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Instead of going up the Eiffel Tower we decided to explore some of the streets around the landmark and have a deliciously French lunch in a rather posh restaurant that was hidden down one of the side roads and away from all of the tourists. We also found a stand outside the American Library in Paris which was giving away free books, so naturally we took as many as we could carry!

freebooks

All in all it was a lovely trip, a little chilly with only two rainy showers! I wish we could go every year and explore all there is to see in France as a whole.

It was nice to get away from the real world and all the stresses that I face. Next up is LA LA Land at the end of the month and I honestly cannot wait!

Sorry it’s been so long, I have been a very busy girl!

Until next time…

XOXO

Hannah.

Status

Although in this current moment in time I feel as though I may be fine, I know that in the future I will look back and see these as dark, poisonous days and that time when I lost my way.

All too much

The last couple of weeks have been a struggle and I have found it hard to post anything on my blog. I have written countless drafts, those of which I felt were too honest or risky to share with the internet (or any of my readers that are close to home).

I have been stressing about everything from money problems to what the future holds for my education. I have put many feelings on hold to focus on other things and it’s messing with my mind. Half of my time I spend worrying about money, the other half I spend wishing I wasn’t so lonely.

Nobody talks about the emotions that come with the in-between months before university, not being able to hold anything too close to your heart because you know that it has to end prior to moving away. I have my friends, but that isn’t always enough. I feel I am restricted. I don’t want to be alone for seven months, but I don’t want a new relationship with someone. I am in a place where I am mentally and physically unprepared for anything new. I want what used to be, but an improved version — that’s what it would be — if I were to go back. Going back isn’t even a way to look at this, it would be the turning point.

Nothing could ever be as it was, I have used this alone time to become a better person. I learned a lot about myself and the way I used to be. The improved me would make for an incredible relationship. One that would be amazing but would never work in these seven months, not if it had to end. There is still a lot of growing to do, a lot of personal goals to achieve. It would be selfish to even consider anything right now.

I am all for achieving these goals, I am just not coping with the isolation that comes with it.

Just a snippet of my current tangled thoughts and emotions,

XOXO

Hannah.

Nice try Valentine’s Day…

This morning and for most of today I have been feeling sorry for myself just as many other singles are probably doing right this moment.

While sat on the sofa watching countless reruns of Friends I started to think about my friends. We are all feeling down today because society is celebrating couples, but what about friendship? I think all the singles out there shouldn’t be crying over not having a significant other, they should be counting themselves lucky for having found amazing pals whose love is worth so much more than a most-probably-going-to-end-in-a-few-months relationship.
I don’t like seeing my friends upset over men who thrive on playing with girls emotions — because let’s face it, that’s all they ever do.
I’m not standing for that anymore and neither should any other girl. If they want to confuse us and send us mixed messages, they will be playing their games alone and definitely not playing with us.
As I think back over the last few hours I notice that although I have spent it alone, I have saved money. I haven’t had to make an effort trying to impress anyone and I have been in comfort all day because of it.
I no longer feel negative about being alone on Valentine’s Day, I feel blessed.
I love you all and hope that whatever you are doing today is done with a smile on your face.
To all the singles out there:
You are amazing and you are only single because other people suck!
Ta-ta for now,
XOXO
Hannah Banana.
#GirlPower