Pack Up Your Troubles

My idea of packing is procrastinating by becoming re-acquainted with all of the belongings that had slowly lost their use, but still meant enough to me to hoard over the years until now.

I am a naturally reflective person anyway, but when it comes to digging up everything in the room that I have grown up in it also makes me rather sad also. I feel like this is the end of an era, I am letting go of the past, but keeping my memories. This is not only a time to de-clutter and minimise the amount of belongings I have, it is also a time to tidy up my emotions; As I let go of things that I have held onto for many years for the wrong reasons, I am also letting go of those memories attached.

Obviously I will keep many things with high sentimental value, but I must also remember that the memories don’t necessarily live within those objects unless I let them, they live in my mind. It’s time to let go of anything that I am holding onto because I think it is a memory and realise that it truly is just an object.

My packing strategy is simple; I am keeping the things of high importance, luckily many things that hold sentimental value to me are conveniently the right size to fit in my diary — which has expanded in size profusely!

I try on all of my clothes and if in that moment I don’t feel comfortable in it, I know it isn’t something I will wear in the future and for that reason it goes straight in the boot sale pile.

As for books, I am not getting rid of any, I have sorted what is going to uni and what isn’t by matching the books to the moods I may feel while I am away or if the book would possibly be educational to me during my course.

I haven’t actually gotten much packing done due to the fact that anything else seems more interesting to me when I have something that needs to be done.

Part of my procrastination may be due to hunger or boredom, but a bigger part of me is doing this because I am saying goodbye to the house I grew up in and I am doing this slowly.

It feels like everything is changing all at once and I’m not quite sure what to focus on precisely. Both parents are moving/have moved, I’m not in the best place socially right now and I’m about to head to uni (which is a whole lot harder when you still don’t know exactly where you are going).

I cannot quite pinpoint exactly what is stressing me out the most, but I know that soon enough everything will be happening all at once and there will be no time to focus on one single thing.

It feels like I’m in some kind of weird limbo where part of me is waiting for things to happen and the other part of me is afraid of everything that’s right around the corner. I don’t know which way is up and that’s why I’m choosing a Netflix coma over any sort of reality — until my own reality hits me in about a month’s time.

This post is probably rather vague and I hope you’re all just as confused as my emotions are right now.

Until next time (hopefully sooner than later),

XOXO

Han.

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Learning curve…

This past month I have been very alone, it hasn’t been great but it has taught me a few things.

Being alone has made me realise what I want, my heart is still set where it was before and I don’t think that will be changing very soon, but now I know that I definitely want University and will pursue that no matter what. I can have feelings for someone and that will not change, how they feel is what matters, but I cannot wait forever to find out. I will feel what I feel, but I cannot let those feelings stop me from working towards a future career.

I am in a place where I know what I need to do next year and I have to follow this plan no matter what, my feelings are clear but his are unreliable and I know that as soon as his confusion becomes clear it will make everything much simpler.

If he were to come back and realise that he wants me, he would realise that I have grown from us being apart, I have used this time away to focus on my personal issues and I know that if he were around me right now that he would notice that.

I saw a quote the other day that read;

“Your 20’s are your ‘selfish’ years. It’s a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time, and all the aspects of you. Tinker with shit, travel, explore, love a lot, love a little, and never touch the ground.”

― Kyoko Escamilla

This quote is probably a good explanation of the frame of mind that I imagine he is in at this moment in time and if he thinks that being with me will get in the way of that, fine, but if he wants to be with me he can still be selfish because I am going to be selfish too. I am going to University, I will go travelling — maybe before Uni, maybe after — but I can be selfish and still love him, nothing will change that.

I am on a path of self discovery and being alone has helped, but if I were to find myself with his company again it would be great because I know that this time it would be different.

Peace,

H.

BRB losing my mind

I have been pushed to the limit, stretched too far.

There are only so many thoughts and feelings that a person can have before their brain goes into overdrive. My mind is frazzled and my body exhausted.

All of these things playing on my mind are causing me migraines and I need clarity.

I want things to go my way and work out, I want the ability to focus and get everything straight.

I have so much to do, things to pay off, deadlines and a very confused heart.

Someone give me the power to freeze time so that I can hibernate for a few weeks and recharge mentally and physically.

I cannot focus if I am worrying about the future and I cannot work on my future if I am not focused.

So basically, I have come to the conclusion that I need to be Wonderwoman and I need superpowers in order to survive this mess challenge that we call life.

Peace,

XOXO

Hannah.

Pretty Little Liars/Ravenswood; My confused rant.

I could not express enough confusion for the Pretty Little Liars/Ravenswood crossovers and Hanna and Caleb’s relationship.

hannamarin

I really wish they had never done the spin of show, when Hanna comes to visit I cannot figure when that actually happens in Pretty Little Liars.

When something happens between Hanna and Caleb in Ravenswood, has that actually happened yet in Pretty Little Liars?

I only watch Ravenswood when Hanna comes to stars in the episodes (mainly because I miss Haleb), but it is getting so confusing that I may just have to give up trying to follow their relationship and just focus on the other Pretty Little Liars story lines.

Also if Caleb ends up dying in Ravenswood I will not be impressed!

This whole Caleb/Miranda thing pisses me off too, poor Hanna is loved one minute and pushed aside the next.

— Rant over —

Hannah.

~ XOXO