This current stage of my life is the most awkward so far. Usually, I have a purpose, something to keep my focus on — this could be professionally or personally — but right now there’s nothing.
I am playing the waiting game and it feels never ending. By this waiting game, I mean in between knowing my options and waiting for my exam results. All of my exams results and certificates should be through by this coming Thursday, but I’d be lying if I said I was handling this well.
The people around me have noticed it (although that isn’t many people most of the time as everyone is very busy), I haven’t been myself, I can’t stop stressing about it and it’s causing me to get angry over the most stupid things. This stress is affecting me in regards to my energy and appetite, it’s causing me to eat crap and although it’s had no effect on my weight, it’s making me feel crap inside.
I miss going out and enjoying myself, but I am rarely in the mood to leave the house because I’m too worried about what my future holds to think about right now.
It feels like I’m the only one left waiting for my results which leaves me to fear that even if I do get the results I want that it may be first come first serve and that I may still be left without my desired place.
I’m not sure exactly how it works and maybe that’s why I’m worrying about this more than I should, but I honestly don’t know if I am. I have worked so hard to get here and I don’t know if I can handle any more disappointment that I have recently received.
For anyone reading this, I apologise for being so depressing, but in order to let go of some of this stress and worry, I need to share it. The more I share on here, the less it’s bottled up in my mind and maybe it will help me take back a little bit of my sanity — if there’s any left.
With less than a week to go, I will try to get out of the house more and take my mind off of it until it’s here.
Wish me luck!