Goodbye 2015

This year has been interesting, it started out as a mix of good and shit. This continued for most of the year.

I got into university this year, finally passed a certain exam that had been holding me back for a very long time, quit my job and made a few hair mistakes.

My personal life took quite a hit, but others around me seemed to be happy. For me, the positivity that I focused on throughout most of this year was from educational success and I’m thankful to be ending this year a hell of a lot happier than I started it, thanks to other areas in my life (which I like to keep private on here, if you hadn’t already noticed).

On the subject of privacy, I decided to delete my Facebook and make my new account more private. I was fed up of getting creepy requests and messages from complete strangers, this started to get out of hand and I’m glad I deleted it. I’m now less addicted to Facebook than I was and one of my resolutions will most probably be to cut down on social media because that’s not where real life is and it’s easy to forget that when you’re on it too much.

Maybe everyone should make that resolution and start living for the moment and not for likes on your profile.

I’m looking forward to what 2016 has to bring, but I’m not looking forward to the countless essays I have to write for all my modules.

2016 is going to be a healthier one and I am going to take care of myself and maybe get some of the ink that I’ve wanted for a while… Maybe a new piercing too?

Either way, I hope you guys have a great new year and I’ll try to post more on 2016 (maybe a resolutions list in early January).

Love ya, stay happy and be safe however you’re celebrating tonight!

XOXO

TFH.

 

 

 

Here I Am

Moving to university has been a lot to take in all at once, it’s like being thrown into the deep end before you’ve learned how to swim.

I’ve let the water pull me down a little recently in the sense that I haven’t been on my blog to post anything, not been able to sleep very well and also haven’t even been catching up on my tv shows!

I’ve been solely focusing on getting into my timetable routine and understanding exactly what needs to be done for my studies, how long it will take etc. that I haven’t actually been out as much as all of the other freshers. I have been going out, just not as much as other people and I’ve decided to focus less on drinking, more on learning.

I’m having a great time here, though, going out occasionally is much better for me than going out all the time. I am figuring out the balance and realising that I’m at the age where I don’t need to go out all the time. I actually prefer socialising with my flat-mates, going to the cinema and having lunches is much nicer.

I have been so mentally drained since moving here, I’ve had lots of reading to do and it took me about a week to unpack everything! I’m here now and I should be blogging back to normal once I have all of my different modules embedded in my brain.


Living alone is weird, but good weird.

The pros include things such as;

  • Knowing exactly how much food I have left all the time.
  • Knowing when I’m actually running out of things such as shampoo and shower gel.
  • Having long showers if I want them.

The cons include;

  • A fear that if I hurt myself badly, it may go unnoticed for days.
  • Doing my own laundry – although this actually feels very independent at the same time.
  • Having to cook dinner for yourself all the time – sometimes you just want to eat and not have to cook it first.

There are many other pros and cons, but these are the main ones in my eyes.


Unpacking and setting up my bedroom/bathroom was cool, everything in my room is a reflection of myself and is organised in a way that is accessible and tidy.

My attempt at photographing my room wasn’t the best, but here are some pictures of it nonetheless;

This is my attempt at a panoramic shot - it didn't go so well...

This is my attempt at a panoramic shot – it didn’t go so well…

Books and DVDs, the essentials of course...

Books and DVDs, the essentials of course…

Little pieces of me on my notice board, it actually looks a little different to this already.

Little pieces of me on my notice board, it actually looks a little different to this already.

The hallway is out there, maybe i'll show you guys the rest of the flat in another post.

The hallway is out there, maybe I’ll show you guys the rest of the flat in another post.

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Didn't realise how vital bathroom storage was until I was on my own...

Didn’t realise how vital bathroom storage was until I was on my own…

My large collection of expensive mugs and shot glasses...

My large collection of expensive mugs and shot glasses…


Leaving my hometown has given me the chance to really think about what I want in other areas of my life. I know that I should always trust my instincts and understand that everything is happening for a reason. What is meant to be always will be and sometimes we have to experience all the bad stuff to get to the good.

I have never lost faith in the things that matter to me most and I never will.

Speak soon, stay smiling,

XOXO

Hannah.

Pack Up Your Troubles

My idea of packing is procrastinating by becoming re-acquainted with all of the belongings that had slowly lost their use, but still meant enough to me to hoard over the years until now.

I am a naturally reflective person anyway, but when it comes to digging up everything in the room that I have grown up in it also makes me rather sad also. I feel like this is the end of an era, I am letting go of the past, but keeping my memories. This is not only a time to de-clutter and minimise the amount of belongings I have, it is also a time to tidy up my emotions; As I let go of things that I have held onto for many years for the wrong reasons, I am also letting go of those memories attached.

Obviously I will keep many things with high sentimental value, but I must also remember that the memories don’t necessarily live within those objects unless I let them, they live in my mind. It’s time to let go of anything that I am holding onto because I think it is a memory and realise that it truly is just an object.

My packing strategy is simple; I am keeping the things of high importance, luckily many things that hold sentimental value to me are conveniently the right size to fit in my diary — which has expanded in size profusely!

I try on all of my clothes and if in that moment I don’t feel comfortable in it, I know it isn’t something I will wear in the future and for that reason it goes straight in the boot sale pile.

As for books, I am not getting rid of any, I have sorted what is going to uni and what isn’t by matching the books to the moods I may feel while I am away or if the book would possibly be educational to me during my course.

I haven’t actually gotten much packing done due to the fact that anything else seems more interesting to me when I have something that needs to be done.

Part of my procrastination may be due to hunger or boredom, but a bigger part of me is doing this because I am saying goodbye to the house I grew up in and I am doing this slowly.

It feels like everything is changing all at once and I’m not quite sure what to focus on precisely. Both parents are moving/have moved, I’m not in the best place socially right now and I’m about to head to uni (which is a whole lot harder when you still don’t know exactly where you are going).

I cannot quite pinpoint exactly what is stressing me out the most, but I know that soon enough everything will be happening all at once and there will be no time to focus on one single thing.

It feels like I’m in some kind of weird limbo where part of me is waiting for things to happen and the other part of me is afraid of everything that’s right around the corner. I don’t know which way is up and that’s why I’m choosing a Netflix coma over any sort of reality — until my own reality hits me in about a month’s time.

This post is probably rather vague and I hope you’re all just as confused as my emotions are right now.

Until next time (hopefully sooner than later),

XOXO

Han.

That’s That

This week (this Thursday to be exact) is finally my last day at college! After doing two years of sixth form and a year at college doing the complete wrong course for me, I found the one that was right and now I am about to finish that too.

A couple of days ago I got my final grade for the course I had been studying — Print-Based Media/Creative Media Production/Journalism — it has so many names that I have lost count, but the point is that I was very pleased with the grade I received.

I have proven to myself that I really can succeed if the challenge is within something that I am passionate about. As a person that always dreads the day I get educational results, I was positively shocked and I could feel the majority of my stress dissolving into the atmosphere around me.

Although I still have to wait until one result, this has certainly been a weight off and this grade has shown me that I did do the right thing in deciding to procrastinate in college for a further two years. I have used this time to figure my shit stuff out and then realise that University actually was a possibility for me.

Hitting slow-mo on going to University truly was a great decision for me because I have used the time that I would have been at University to get the ‘I’ve just turned 18, let’s go clubbing ALL THE  TIME’ behaviour out of the way and I will be going into this with a little more maturity and understanding of myself. Yes, I will still go out and drink, but it’ll be much more responsibly as I prefer a chilled evening with friends at the pub than clubbing until stupid o’clock anyway.

Stress will always exist because there is no way of me avoiding absolutely everything that stresses me out, but I am going to handle it in the best way possible and just stay positive about everything as much as I can.

For anyone out there that has absolutely no idea what they want to do with their life or their career; I can assure you that I have been there and everybody has their own timeline. Don’t jump into anything if you’re not ready and do things on your own terms, find yourself and everything else will fall into place.

You, reader, just peeked into my brain.

see you next time!

XOXO

Hannah.

A weight lifted.

Sorry it’s been a while, but I promise I have a good excuse!

After weeks and weeks of panicking over my personal statement (and various other things) I have finally finished it.

I went through a lot of ups and downs along the way, this is what made me change my mind about Uni the first time around. In sixth form, when we began to use UCAS and start our applications I freaked out, it wasn’t so much the applying but being unable to write a personal statement.

I know now that I was unable to write it because I had not yet discovered what I really wanted to do. It took taking a bunch of different courses to realise that Journalism and Creative writing is what I really want to do, if I had gone to Uni after sixth form I would have taken the completely wrong course and felt completely lost and confused in what I wanted to do as a career after Uni.

I still panicked this time around, but only at the end. I was struggling to finish the personal statement because I felt I hadn’t written enough, when considering that we had a limit it turns out I had written too much and had to condense it.

It just goes to show that sometime University isn’t always for you at a certain time in your life, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t for you period.

I am now in the process of completing my UCAS application and with the personal statement segment finished it should be a lot easier.

Wish me luck guys!

Love, love, love…

XOXO

Hannah.

If you haven’t got it already, you should definitely sign up for UNiDAYS to get student discounts for loads of places! Click here.

A hermit I shall be.

Ok, so it’s about time I started taking responsibility of my student overdraft and by that I mean pay it off as soon as I can.

This does mean that I need to make a few changes, changes that may actually help me in the long run.

  • I will have to cut back on the amount of pointless shopping and only buy practical things. This does not mean I am quitting shopping for clothes, hell no. This girl has needs and wardrobe choice is one of them. I will however be cutting back on the amount that I can buy in a month.
  • I will stop eating lunches in town, it is unnecessary and the perfect way to throw all my money down the drain in a click.
  • I will only buy one magazine per month (unless there is an unmissable free gift).
  • I will make use of the gym as much as possible as it will not be money well spent if I never turn up.

And the last and probably most effective one of all…

  • I not be going out drinking/clubbing as often, I will try and only go once a month (people’s birthdays can be an exception). Most of my money goes on alcohol, the fast food I buy myself after alcohol or the cab home at the end of the night, night’s out are expensive and if I am really going to manage my money, I am going to have to stop going out as much and make the most of Netflix instead.

If all goes to plan, I could pay off that student overdraft in the next 2 months (just in time for college). This means that I can focus on saving money and more importantly, paying for the LA trip.

Photo on 02-08-2014 at 22.51 #6

I know I can do this with a little will power and I plan on making this happen by focusing on getting healthy, going to the gym and reading as many books as possible!

Books are probably a much better use of my time anyway.

Hope you haven’t fallen asleep while reading my boring plan!

XOXO

Hannah.

Brain, what are you doing?!

I am twenty in five days and have just finished yet another first year of college…
After finishing high school, I went to sixth form for two years, I then took a year at college in a course that was definitely not for me (Travel and Tourism), but this year I joined the course that I know is meant for me (Publishing/Print Based Media).

The whole reason that I decided to go to college after sixth form was because I didn’t want to go to university, but since doing this year at college I keep thinking about what it would be like to go to uni.

This year I made some amazing friends, and one of them (Amy H) is leaving us to go to uni and will not be back for the second year of our course. While Amy H was preparing everything for uni, it got me thinking about everything. I feel like part of me didn’t want to go to uni because of how wrapped up I was in my relationship, but now I have nothing holding me back, my feelings are not enough and I can’t let them hold me back if I have no chance.

When I finish my second year, I am seriously considering uni now, which feels silly as all of my friends from sixth form will be finishing their uni courses, as they come to the end of uni, I will be at the very start.

Me and Amy C were discussing all things university the day before last and it got me very excited about what’s to come with my education, we were chatting about it and came to the conclusion that this could be the fresh start that is much needed, I would be in a different location, all on my own (which would be daunting at first) where new opportunities await.

My only worries are what will come of my employment, funding and accommodation. Bring on the new stress…

Not to worry yet though, all I need to do for now is research courses, which universities to consider and focus on the last year of my college course.

XOXO

A confused Hannah.

Thankful.

Wow, only an hour till my deadline and I had the most irritating girls sitting next to me.

Jumping around like they’re still in pre-school and watching an annoyingly noisy video on their iPhone. I got so frustrated that I took a picture of them while they weren’t looking.

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I never used to be this bad, but recently I have been lacking in patience with people. In crowds, in lifts, in shops… I cannot be around people without feeling large amounts of rage inside of me.

I do not know if it is stress, or I just generally don’t like people, but I cannot be around strangers for more than two minutes.

If anyone has a solution, I have a very open mind…

~ XOXO

So much to do, so little motivation..

Backstory;

I work in retail and study Publishing/Print Based Media at college, I don’t have single day off.

In my college class, there are mainly 16 year olds, a couple of 17 year olds and my friends who are 18 and one of them is 19.

This makes me the oldest student in our class which feels a little awkward at times.

I work back to back work/college every day, the others in my class do not know how lucky they have it!

They have all the time in the world and the course is free for them and £16,000 a year for me (2 years).

Current;

It is exhausting doing both and I have been coping quite well until now, two assignments due in the space of a week and I hadn’t focused on the second.

The due date for my assignment is tomorrow, I still have things to do in my sketchbook from a previous assignment and half of this one still to do.

Tonight will be work, work, work!

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Wish me luck!

~ XOXO