Here I Am

Moving to university has been a lot to take in all at once, it’s like being thrown into the deep end before you’ve learned how to swim.

I’ve let the water pull me down a little recently in the sense that I haven’t been on my blog to post anything, not been able to sleep very well and also haven’t even been catching up on my tv shows!

I’ve been solely focusing on getting into my timetable routine and understanding exactly what needs to be done for my studies, how long it will take etc. that I haven’t actually been out as much as all of the other freshers. I have been going out, just not as much as other people and I’ve decided to focus less on drinking, more on learning.

I’m having a great time here, though, going out occasionally is much better for me than going out all the time. I am figuring out the balance and realising that I’m at the age where I don’t need to go out all the time. I actually prefer socialising with my flat-mates, going to the cinema and having lunches is much nicer.

I have been so mentally drained since moving here, I’ve had lots of reading to do and it took me about a week to unpack everything! I’m here now and I should be blogging back to normal once I have all of my different modules embedded in my brain.


Living alone is weird, but good weird.

The pros include things such as;

  • Knowing exactly how much food I have left all the time.
  • Knowing when I’m actually running out of things such as shampoo and shower gel.
  • Having long showers if I want them.

The cons include;

  • A fear that if I hurt myself badly, it may go unnoticed for days.
  • Doing my own laundry – although this actually feels very independent at the same time.
  • Having to cook dinner for yourself all the time – sometimes you just want to eat and not have to cook it first.

There are many other pros and cons, but these are the main ones in my eyes.


Unpacking and setting up my bedroom/bathroom was cool, everything in my room is a reflection of myself and is organised in a way that is accessible and tidy.

My attempt at photographing my room wasn’t the best, but here are some pictures of it nonetheless;

This is my attempt at a panoramic shot - it didn't go so well...

This is my attempt at a panoramic shot – it didn’t go so well…

Books and DVDs, the essentials of course...

Books and DVDs, the essentials of course…

Little pieces of me on my notice board, it actually looks a little different to this already.

Little pieces of me on my notice board, it actually looks a little different to this already.

The hallway is out there, maybe i'll show you guys the rest of the flat in another post.

The hallway is out there, maybe I’ll show you guys the rest of the flat in another post.

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Didn't realise how vital bathroom storage was until I was on my own...

Didn’t realise how vital bathroom storage was until I was on my own…

My large collection of expensive mugs and shot glasses...

My large collection of expensive mugs and shot glasses…


Leaving my hometown has given me the chance to really think about what I want in other areas of my life. I know that I should always trust my instincts and understand that everything is happening for a reason. What is meant to be always will be and sometimes we have to experience all the bad stuff to get to the good.

I have never lost faith in the things that matter to me most and I never will.

Speak soon, stay smiling,

XOXO

Hannah.

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Learning curve…

This past month I have been very alone, it hasn’t been great but it has taught me a few things.

Being alone has made me realise what I want, my heart is still set where it was before and I don’t think that will be changing very soon, but now I know that I definitely want University and will pursue that no matter what. I can have feelings for someone and that will not change, how they feel is what matters, but I cannot wait forever to find out. I will feel what I feel, but I cannot let those feelings stop me from working towards a future career.

I am in a place where I know what I need to do next year and I have to follow this plan no matter what, my feelings are clear but his are unreliable and I know that as soon as his confusion becomes clear it will make everything much simpler.

If he were to come back and realise that he wants me, he would realise that I have grown from us being apart, I have used this time away to focus on my personal issues and I know that if he were around me right now that he would notice that.

I saw a quote the other day that read;

“Your 20’s are your ‘selfish’ years. It’s a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time, and all the aspects of you. Tinker with shit, travel, explore, love a lot, love a little, and never touch the ground.”

― Kyoko Escamilla

This quote is probably a good explanation of the frame of mind that I imagine he is in at this moment in time and if he thinks that being with me will get in the way of that, fine, but if he wants to be with me he can still be selfish because I am going to be selfish too. I am going to University, I will go travelling — maybe before Uni, maybe after — but I can be selfish and still love him, nothing will change that.

I am on a path of self discovery and being alone has helped, but if I were to find myself with his company again it would be great because I know that this time it would be different.

Peace,

H.

Brain, what are you doing?!

I am twenty in five days and have just finished yet another first year of college…
After finishing high school, I went to sixth form for two years, I then took a year at college in a course that was definitely not for me (Travel and Tourism), but this year I joined the course that I know is meant for me (Publishing/Print Based Media).

The whole reason that I decided to go to college after sixth form was because I didn’t want to go to university, but since doing this year at college I keep thinking about what it would be like to go to uni.

This year I made some amazing friends, and one of them (Amy H) is leaving us to go to uni and will not be back for the second year of our course. While Amy H was preparing everything for uni, it got me thinking about everything. I feel like part of me didn’t want to go to uni because of how wrapped up I was in my relationship, but now I have nothing holding me back, my feelings are not enough and I can’t let them hold me back if I have no chance.

When I finish my second year, I am seriously considering uni now, which feels silly as all of my friends from sixth form will be finishing their uni courses, as they come to the end of uni, I will be at the very start.

Me and Amy C were discussing all things university the day before last and it got me very excited about what’s to come with my education, we were chatting about it and came to the conclusion that this could be the fresh start that is much needed, I would be in a different location, all on my own (which would be daunting at first) where new opportunities await.

My only worries are what will come of my employment, funding and accommodation. Bring on the new stress…

Not to worry yet though, all I need to do for now is research courses, which universities to consider and focus on the last year of my college course.

XOXO

A confused Hannah.

So much to do, so little motivation..

Backstory;

I work in retail and study Publishing/Print Based Media at college, I don’t have single day off.

In my college class, there are mainly 16 year olds, a couple of 17 year olds and my friends who are 18 and one of them is 19.

This makes me the oldest student in our class which feels a little awkward at times.

I work back to back work/college every day, the others in my class do not know how lucky they have it!

They have all the time in the world and the course is free for them and £16,000 a year for me (2 years).

Current;

It is exhausting doing both and I have been coping quite well until now, two assignments due in the space of a week and I hadn’t focused on the second.

The due date for my assignment is tomorrow, I still have things to do in my sketchbook from a previous assignment and half of this one still to do.

Tonight will be work, work, work!

Image

Wish me luck!

~ XOXO