A Little Bit Longer

In exactly two weeks I will be moving to Leicester in preparation for Fresher’s Week and studying at De Montfort University.

I’m still amazed that something actually went my way academically, after all the bad luck I’ve had in that area, part of me was expecting the worst.

Nonetheless here I am, preparing for one of the biggest changes in my life so far and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. The anxiety I feel is mainly about friendships; I’m worried about drifting apart from people while they are wrapped up I their own things, I feel I may get left behind. Like the dust left behind when a car shoots off into the distance.

I’m taking forever to pack, mainly because I am not only packing things for uni, but I’m packing my bedroom away and saying goodbye forever to the room that I grew up in.

It’s partly the disturbance of objects that have been in one place for so long that is making me sad and also my attempt at throwing things out. I find myself going through everything and reminiscing, everything I have come across so far has had memories attached, making it that little bit harder to throw said things away.

I need to get a shimmy on with all this packing now and just let go of anything holding me back, now is the time to clear out and allow myself space for new objects with new memories.

As the weeks pass, I’m becoming more and more ready to move. I’m ready for this new chapter, to start over with my personal life. Living three hours from home is a pretty good way to start over too.

I’m obviously going to come home and visit, because I’ve got to see the lovely people back home still, haven’t I?

I will miss my friends and family at home, but it will be nice to get a sense of true independence.

Time to get my pack on!

Speak soon,

XOXO

Hannah.

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Pack Up Your Troubles

My idea of packing is procrastinating by becoming re-acquainted with all of the belongings that had slowly lost their use, but still meant enough to me to hoard over the years until now.

I am a naturally reflective person anyway, but when it comes to digging up everything in the room that I have grown up in it also makes me rather sad also. I feel like this is the end of an era, I am letting go of the past, but keeping my memories. This is not only a time to de-clutter and minimise the amount of belongings I have, it is also a time to tidy up my emotions; As I let go of things that I have held onto for many years for the wrong reasons, I am also letting go of those memories attached.

Obviously I will keep many things with high sentimental value, but I must also remember that the memories don’t necessarily live within those objects unless I let them, they live in my mind. It’s time to let go of anything that I am holding onto because I think it is a memory and realise that it truly is just an object.

My packing strategy is simple; I am keeping the things of high importance, luckily many things that hold sentimental value to me are conveniently the right size to fit in my diary — which has expanded in size profusely!

I try on all of my clothes and if in that moment I don’t feel comfortable in it, I know it isn’t something I will wear in the future and for that reason it goes straight in the boot sale pile.

As for books, I am not getting rid of any, I have sorted what is going to uni and what isn’t by matching the books to the moods I may feel while I am away or if the book would possibly be educational to me during my course.

I haven’t actually gotten much packing done due to the fact that anything else seems more interesting to me when I have something that needs to be done.

Part of my procrastination may be due to hunger or boredom, but a bigger part of me is doing this because I am saying goodbye to the house I grew up in and I am doing this slowly.

It feels like everything is changing all at once and I’m not quite sure what to focus on precisely. Both parents are moving/have moved, I’m not in the best place socially right now and I’m about to head to uni (which is a whole lot harder when you still don’t know exactly where you are going).

I cannot quite pinpoint exactly what is stressing me out the most, but I know that soon enough everything will be happening all at once and there will be no time to focus on one single thing.

It feels like I’m in some kind of weird limbo where part of me is waiting for things to happen and the other part of me is afraid of everything that’s right around the corner. I don’t know which way is up and that’s why I’m choosing a Netflix coma over any sort of reality — until my own reality hits me in about a month’s time.

This post is probably rather vague and I hope you’re all just as confused as my emotions are right now.

Until next time (hopefully sooner than later),

XOXO

Han.

If at first you don’t succeed…

What I have come to realise from the past few months is that it has become very easy for me to read people and understand when someone is worth your time.

Not everyone has the same goals and priorities, but when it comes down to caring for people and being there it should come as a natural instinct to drop the less important things or at least respond.

I am so over waiting around for people and wasting my precious time on people who wouldn’t do the same for me if the roles were reversed. I do not know how long I have to live and I certainly don’t want to look back on my life and wonder what on earth I was doing for a huge chunk of it.

Going to university is a big deal, but it’s also eight months ago. This means that I should still be focusing on right now and anyone that I spend time with should not be thinking of my time with them as one with an expiry date. I already know who I can and can’t count on and I am very happy with the friends that I have, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t make new ones. If the people I meet see me as the sort of person that will go away and completely forget about them they are surely mistaken. I make effort. If I care about you, I will make some form of contact with you and if you don’t reciprocate then I know where I stand.

Life is all about discovery, I am always discovering new things about myself, others and the way others see me. Sometimes these discoveries can be painful and sometimes they can be marvelous.

I am in a good place in my life and I know that I don’t have time for bullshit.

I will focus only on the positives and the people that make me truly happy.

Laters taters,

XOXO

Hannah.

2015, I am ready for you.

2014 has been a year of many ups and many more downs, but it all changes now.

As we move on to a new year I plan on making the most of everything and not letting anything or anyone get me down.

I plan to make every day count and stay positive. No negative thoughts (when possible). If I stay positive about everything in my life, I will have a better outcome.

2015 will mark a positive me. I will lead a healthier lifestyle, think optimistically whenever possible and carpe diem.

This time around, nobody’s going to rain on my parade.

If you are reading this, I love you.

XOXO

Hannah.