January Hmmmm.

It’s January 10th. I’m sat on the train and on my way back to Leicester. I’ve had a nice Christmas and don’t really want to leave – not the place, just the people.

Anyway, my point is that it’s January 10th. January the 10th and I’m only just deciding my New Years resolutions right here, right now on the train. Oops.

I don’t usually make concrete resolutions, I’m pretty easy on myself, but I’ve got to make them and stick to them this year!

Begin, shall I?

Climb girl, climb.

On my return to uni, I am purchasing my insurance card which allows me to join the climbing club, then I can climb regularly and hopefully gain more confidence, strength and technique. I’m afraid of falling, but the more confidence I get on the wall, the less I fear the height and the falling part becomes less likely to happen.

#HealthyGoals

This resolution just involves sticking to my healthy eating habits no matter where I am – maybe it will help others around me eat a little better too?

Less sugary temptations, more fruits and nuts!

Balancing the pounds

The pounds I refer to here are of the financial kind. I need to try my best to only buy necessities and just treat myself once in a while.

Easier said than done, but one of those money box challenges may help me save.

ZzzzzZzzzzzZzz

I must go to bed earlier, Netflix less and avoid napping during the day. Or just go to bed earlier.

Stress less

About everything. Maybe organising myself as much as possible will help, the more sleep certainly will too.

I shall focus on less things at once, tackling things one at a time, whatever they are, will certainly make life easier. It may also help me focus more.

That’s all of my New Years resolutions, or at least what I can think of right now!

I’m looking forward to climbing more and becoming stronger because of it.

I look forward to seeing the ones I love again soon, sucks being away from your favourite people.

Until next time,

XOXO

Hannah.

Advertisements

#TheStruggleIsReal: Winter Skin

Aloha! It’s been a while and as most of you know, I have moved to university. This experience has been time-consuming, stressful and mentally draining – it is the sole reason for my lack of posts.

Since moving here everything has been about reading and essays, meaning that I haven’t had as much time to myself as I would like (apart from the time that I visited home for the weekend and it was lovely) and all this moving around (plus cold weather, plus general stress) has caused my skin to self-destruct – and I mean worse than usual.

This could have been down to moving and hormones, but the weather certainly didn’t help, it caused my skin to get very pimply and dry. I couldn’t let it stay like this as it was really starting to put me down and I had to wear make-up to cover it – something I hate doing.

With this in mind, I started getting testers of various skin products to find the root of my problem. I went to Origins because I am a regular user of the “Checks and Balances Frothy Face Wash”, where I picked up testers for the “Zero Oil Cleanser” and “Zero Oil Lotion”.

These products started off by clearing up my spots and after a week the effects had reversed, leaving my skin worse than it was before! The cleanser didn’t feel like it was cleaning my skin enough, but the moisturiser was good – it really was “Zero Oil” and kept my skin matte for most of the day, but in the end it just made my skin really dry.

After these products quite literally blew up in my face, I opted for something familiar and headed to BareMinerals where I decided to retry  the “Purely Nourishing Moisturiser for Combination Skin”. I used this for around 2 weeks, my skin didn’t react to it at all, but I came to the conclusion that this is a summer skincare only option for my skin type. I had already purchased it because it really is a dependable moisturiser, just not for me in the winter.

Once again, I was back to square one and decided to use something I already had for the time being and also start using night cream again. I had some of my trusty Nivea “Night Regenerating Cream” left, so I used that along with The Body Shop “Vitamin E Aqua Boost Sorbet”.

I remembered how much I loved the smell of the Vitamin E products, which led me to browse the entire Vitamin E line on the Body Shop website. After looking at countless reviews of various products, I decided that I wanted to try out a new night cream, seeing as night cream is something that’s usually a safe option for my troublesome skin.

I didn’t buy the products online, I kept browsing products for a week or so and went into the store to purchase. While in the store, a girl insisted that the toner would be a good addition to my purchase, along with an overnight treatment oil and I decided to try them out as I was already getting something new anyway and rarely used toners and treatments. In total, I purchased the “Vitamin E Nourishing Night Cream”, “Vitamin E Overnight Serum-In-Oil” and the “Vitamin E Hydrating Toner”.

BodyshopVitE1

The difference in my skin was noticeable within a week, my skin was hydrated and my spots were reducing. I have finally discovered a skincare line that actually works with my skin, one that doesn’t make it worse and since using these products, I have gone back for more from the Vitamin E line. It turns out that the “Vitamin E Aqua Boost Sorbet” wasn’t working as well as I thought it was and it was actually too harsh on my skin, it just took products that didn’t hurt my skin to realise what was doing the damage.

I now own most of The Body Shop Vitamin E range, the “Vitamin E Moisture Cream” replaced the “Aqua Boost Sorbet”, I also got the “Vitamin E Face Mist” to see what all the fuss was about and so far I can see the appeal, it’s very refreshing.

BodyshopVitE2

All-in-all, I’m loving the Vitamin E range from The Body Shop and I think it will be my staple skincare range from now on. It rescued my skin from whatever winter/stress induced hell it was in.

BodyshopVitE3

I will most probably be separately reviewing these products to help others figure out which ones are best for their skin too. If anyone else suffers from sensitive skin that loves to react and break out – I seriously suggest trying out this range.

Until next time,

XOXO,

Hannah.

When The Days Feel Like Weeks…

This current stage of my life is the most awkward so far. Usually, I have a purpose, something to keep my focus on — this could be professionally or personally — but right now there’s nothing.

I am playing the waiting game and it feels never ending. By this waiting game, I mean in between knowing my options and waiting for my exam results. All of my exams results and certificates should be through by this coming Thursday, but I’d be lying if I said I was handling this well.

The people around me have noticed it (although that isn’t many people most of the time as everyone is very busy), I haven’t been myself, I can’t stop stressing about it and it’s causing me to get angry over the most stupid things. This stress is affecting me in regards to my energy and appetite, it’s causing me to eat crap and although it’s had no effect on my weight, it’s making me feel crap inside.

I miss going out and enjoying myself, but I am rarely in the mood to leave the house because I’m too worried about what my future holds to think about right now.

It feels like I’m the only one left waiting for my results which leaves me to fear that even if I do get the results I want that it may be first come first serve and that I may still be left without my desired place.

I’m not sure exactly how it works and maybe that’s why I’m worrying about this more than I should, but I honestly don’t know if I am. I have worked so hard to get here and I don’t know if I can handle any more disappointment that I have recently received.

For anyone reading this, I apologise for being so depressing, but in order to let go of some of this stress and worry, I need to share it. The more I share on here, the less it’s bottled up in my mind and maybe it will help me take back a little bit of my sanity — if there’s any left.

With less than a week to go, I will try to get out of the house more and take my mind off of it until it’s here.

Wish me luck!

XO

Hannah.

Stuck In The Middle

First of all, I’d like to apologise for my absence and tell you all that I have no excuse whatsoever. Unless abandoning my own thoughts counts as a good excuse.

I, since returning from holiday last week, haven’t been doing much with my time. Leaving the house twice during the day this week was as productive as I got and I’m not sorry.

This past week I have found myself in a slump, the realisation that I have nothing to do for the next two months hit me hard and I have been feeling a little isolated from the world.

Usually, if I found myself with little to do I would pop to town for a little retail therapy or see my friends, but they are either away on their own adventures or busy at work.

This has given me time to catch up on almost every TV show that I’d forgotten about and led me to actually start using Pinterest correctly; Pinterest led me to once again look at tattoo ideas for my rib cage and it’s safe to say I have found/altered a design that I will definitely be getting on my skin in the hopefully near future.

I am now dealing with the anxiety of waiting around for the results that confirm my place at my desired university, this is driving my crazy and will continue to tangle my brain for the next month until I get these results.

If I don’t get the results that I need I will still be going to university, this will either involve me figuring out how clearing works (seriously, what?!) or accepting the fact that fate wanted me to take my unconditional offer instead.

It’s all very good discussing this now, but I am not going to let it torture me until results day, I have to find a way to forget, a distraction to take my mind off of this day until it arrives.

Having nothing to do has given me so much time to think, that I had too many posts in mind for my blog and instead of posting any of them, I opted for radio silence and this is me breaking that silence.

This gap between college and university is awkward, affecting me a little more than I expected and in a month or so I should hopefully feel ready to go and start the next three years of my life!

It’s great to be back, I love you all and I won’t leave you again (at least not until I have a mental breakdown).

XOXO

Hannah.

Don’t worry, be happy

Ever feel like you put so much effort into something and get nothing back? That’s how I feel after this month and I am now in fear that I am doing the same for this upcoming month too.

Those of you that have me on social media sites will know that I’ve been in a bad mood all week and it’s because I am trapped right now.

I had been counting down for the end of the month, put that date on a pedestal as it were the answer to my problems, because initially it was.

The end of the month was supposed to be the end to my financial difficulty and instead it appears I have worked all month for nothing.

While waiting for a miracle to happen I have been trying to take my mind off this issue with my final major project at college.

I had this idea to analyse the way music makes us feel, how we have specific emotions linked to songs that act almost as a soundtrack to a particular memory. Focusing on this idea has kept me in my own little world, that and my Netflix addiction, which is at an all time high!

While I feel angry, betrayed and exhausted from working for nothing, I know I need to focus on all the positives.

Positivity is key and I have a lot to look forward to. I have university, where is a question of the outcome of my upcoming exams — this is more stress, but I will have a university to go to regardless of my results, thanks to a lucky unconditional offer to fall back on.

I finished Paper Towns and will probably be reviewing that soon and discussing my view on how they are adapting this to the screen.

I have managed to watch almost FIVE SEASONS of The Vampire Diaries which I started watching just before I went to LA at the start of March. Although I am busy, I may have replaced sleep with Netflix to get to where I am in the programme. I am doing this for a reason and that reason is to get up to date in order to write about it for the online magazine in which I write for.

I am not sure what I am going to do about my current financial situation because I am quite frankly struggling now and it’s infuriating as I put all my time and energy in for practically nothing.

So that’s where I’m at right now, just thought I’d update you before I post about other various things!

If anyone else is struggling with the same situation as me, I suggest you focus on the positives too and remember that you’re letting them win if they’re getting you down!

Peace out my darlings,

XOXO

Hannah.

Paris Perfection!

Two weeks ago I went to Paris with one of my best friends and it was lovely in so many ways. I don’t know if it was the break from constant social media shenanigans, being away from multiple sources of stress or just being away from my routine but the feeling of escaping everyday surroundings was a relief.

eiffel

There’s something exhilarating about being somewhere unfamiliar, not knowing exactly where you are but still knowing that you are far from lost. This break — although it was only a few days — put a lot of my stress on hold and forced me to enjoy the moment I was in right there, right then. I was not thinking about the next day, because I didn’t want the one I was having, to end.

disney002

Yes, we went to Disneyland and usually that involves rushing to get on every ride (plan, plan, planning), but for some reason it wasn’t rushed at all. Maybe it was because there were only two of us going around the park alone or because we were the least stressed we had been in months, but we were relaxed each and every day. We were actually late to breakfast on one of the days and didn’t make it to the park until around 10am! Yet somehow we got every ride done that we wanted to and some we even rode twice!

medialive001There was an actual purpose to this trip, which was the Media Live! Conference held in the cinema of Disney Village. I actually attended last year’s one too and they are well worth going to if you are a media student. The conference is great for any questions you have and could even bring out a little inspiration from within.

After our Disneyland days came to an end, we reached our last day and this day was spent getting the basic-tourist-Eiffel-Tower-pictures.

10404094_10205344965478188_2077037407834289740_n

Instead of going up the Eiffel Tower we decided to explore some of the streets around the landmark and have a deliciously French lunch in a rather posh restaurant that was hidden down one of the side roads and away from all of the tourists. We also found a stand outside the American Library in Paris which was giving away free books, so naturally we took as many as we could carry!

freebooks

All in all it was a lovely trip, a little chilly with only two rainy showers! I wish we could go every year and explore all there is to see in France as a whole.

It was nice to get away from the real world and all the stresses that I face. Next up is LA LA Land at the end of the month and I honestly cannot wait!

Sorry it’s been so long, I have been a very busy girl!

Until next time…

XOXO

Hannah.

Status

Although in this current moment in time I feel as though I may be fine, I know that in the future I will look back and see these as dark, poisonous days and that time when I lost my way.

All too much

The last couple of weeks have been a struggle and I have found it hard to post anything on my blog. I have written countless drafts, those of which I felt were too honest or risky to share with the internet (or any of my readers that are close to home).

I have been stressing about everything from money problems to what the future holds for my education. I have put many feelings on hold to focus on other things and it’s messing with my mind. Half of my time I spend worrying about money, the other half I spend wishing I wasn’t so lonely.

Nobody talks about the emotions that come with the in-between months before university, not being able to hold anything too close to your heart because you know that it has to end prior to moving away. I have my friends, but that isn’t always enough. I feel I am restricted. I don’t want to be alone for seven months, but I don’t want a new relationship with someone. I am in a place where I am mentally and physically unprepared for anything new. I want what used to be, but an improved version — that’s what it would be — if I were to go back. Going back isn’t even a way to look at this, it would be the turning point.

Nothing could ever be as it was, I have used this alone time to become a better person. I learned a lot about myself and the way I used to be. The improved me would make for an incredible relationship. One that would be amazing but would never work in these seven months, not if it had to end. There is still a lot of growing to do, a lot of personal goals to achieve. It would be selfish to even consider anything right now.

I am all for achieving these goals, I am just not coping with the isolation that comes with it.

Just a snippet of my current tangled thoughts and emotions,

XOXO

Hannah.

2015, I am ready for you.

2014 has been a year of many ups and many more downs, but it all changes now.

As we move on to a new year I plan on making the most of everything and not letting anything or anyone get me down.

I plan to make every day count and stay positive. No negative thoughts (when possible). If I stay positive about everything in my life, I will have a better outcome.

2015 will mark a positive me. I will lead a healthier lifestyle, think optimistically whenever possible and carpe diem.

This time around, nobody’s going to rain on my parade.

If you are reading this, I love you.

XOXO

Hannah.

Fear of the unknown

I am entering a new chapter in my life, I am alone and being driven by my studies. Without my friends by my side and me by theirs, we would have all lost our minds by now and I cannot thank them enough for their endless support.

At this moment in time I am going through a lot of stress, mainly stemmed from deadlines and my university application. I should be enjoying the fact that I have offers and one being for my first choice, but I can’t help but worry. I am so scared that I will not get the grade and it will hold me back.

I wish I could just take the exam now as a trial and if I pass, I can keep that grade. Instead I have to wait until May to take the exam and to be in constant anxiety of failing this test until May is not going to do well for my health. I am already stressing too much which is causing me to lose my appetite and it’s making me feel crap.

All I can do is sit tight and try not to add any more stress to my current situation.

Wish me luck,

XOXO

Hannah.